Jeremy

As many of you know I really can't be too serious in this blog on Fridays. For the love of God, I work over 60 hours during the week. Come Friday afternoon I just want to surf porn and play online poker get everything sewn up so I can enjoy the weekend away from the computer.

If you are female please see the red X in the upper right hand corner and click immediately. This post is all in fun and not meant to be offensive, although there's a good chance it will be. Seriously, if you get offended easily click the X.

Below I have listed 10 surefire ways to piss your wife off leading into the weekend. These are not just the simple, go out and get drunk with buddies, or watch sports all night kinds of things. These are well thought out JE originals. Enjoy, and feel free to digg this or pass it on

Top 10 Ways To Piss Off Your Wife Going Into The Weekend (in no specific order)

1. Good Wifes Guide - This is an oldie but a goodie. Hang The Good Wifes Guide on the refrigerator and highlight some of the things she could work on next week. Maybe even add some of your own notes....

2. Performance Review -If this does not work, get on MS Word and make an "end of week spousal performance review form". Ask her to rate herself in several different areas. Be sure to remind her though that performance reviews are simply tools to increase her productivity.

3. Romance - Send her a romantic email, then at some point on Friday night, say "Oh sweetie, I forgot I sent you a really nice email today". (Obviously she'll rush to the computer to check this.) Before telling her however, go to the computer she will use and leave two levels of the task bar "accidentally" minimized with porn fetish sites.

4. Lottery Winner (A Jeremy Enke Favorite) - Buy a Mega Millions lottery ticket on Friday afternoon. (Drawing is always Friday night) Be sure to tell her you were feeling lucky and show her the ticket when you get home from work on Friday....then forget about it. Saturday morning go to Starbucks or the gas station "for coffee". Look at the winning numbers from Friday night, and now buy a ticket with identical numbers for the following week.

Go home, open up the paper and start jumping up and down by the wife holding the winning ticket.....well next weeks ticket (except with last nights winning numbers! "Honey, you're never going to f**** believe this, look at these numbers in the paper, now look at this ticket I got yesterday". Let her think you guys won several millions for a few minutes...........

5. Buy her something - Buy her a brand new vacuum cleaner out of the blue. Tell her even though it was expensive, YOU make enough money and don't feel like you've been providing her with all the tools she needs to fully contribute to the marriage.

6. That Time Of The Month - Shout one 1 of 3 things as soon as she complains about even the slightest little thing on Friday night; "When are you finally going to get your damn period!", "When is your damn period finally going to be over!", or the fan favorite "Fuck, I wish you would just get your period so I don't have to listen to you bitch about everything!"

7. Be Safe - Even though you may have had a vasectomy, or your wife may be on the pill; Buy a box of condoms and leave a few empty wrappers in your pants pockets that she will inevitably be washing soon.

8. Weight Is A Touchy Subject - You can never go wrong with weight comments. Come home from work on Friday and give your wife a big romantic hug, maybe even grabbing her thighs or ass while doing this. Under your breath just say "wow, wow, wow". When she says "What?". Exclaim, "Oh nothing, I was just thinking maybe we should start trying to eat healthier around here."

9. Show Your Appreciation - This has to be planned in advance. But earlier in the week ask her a bunch of questions such as "Do you prefer silver, gold, platinum?" Assure her you have a big surprise for her on Friday night. Leading up to this, keep making hints throughout the week. Then go buy her some new cooking utensils in her favorite color. You know what to do Friday night gentlemen.

10. Number 10, Obviously Sex - Friday night, tell her you are going to take a shower before bed. While she's reading Good Housekeeping or watching Oprah in bed, do this. Get out of the shower and walk up to the bed buck naked. Most importantly, just stand there in dead silence until she says something along the lines of "What's wrong with you?" Look at her and in all seriousness and say "Honey, it's not going to suck itself"

Despite the tone of this Top 10 list, I can honestly say I have been married for over 8 years, and my wife and I have never had a serious fight. Well, that's until she reads this of course. Have a Great Weekend!

Feel free to share your favorite way to "piss a spouse off" in the comments area below.