Money Page review

[Brokerstar]

Hey guys

I've recently overhauled my entire site and I'm looking for some help with a particular page.

This is my 'money page' as it's where visitors should be joining my coaching progam by qualifying through a few select poker rooms.

The page has only been up a short while but I'm just not happy with it. I can't really put my finger on why but it doesn't flow for me.

So I thought I'd put the page up on here to get more eye on it and brain storm some ideas to make the page more effective and and flow better?

Page in question: Poker Apprentice 2

Looking forward to some in put and ideas.

Broker

[addz123]

In my opinion:

1) I'm not sure you should be writing about yourself in the 3rd person. You can personalise it and create a "relationship" with the reader by saying "I will teach you".

2) Ask the reader "do you want free lessons to turn you into a profitale $5 HU player?"

3) Bullet points can help put it all across e.g.

- Sign up to a poker room below
- Earn 100 Raked hands
- Get a free 1hr lessons in HU from me (a $500 HU Pro)

4) just my opinion, but I thought the old black/white template design was much better, sophisticated, and easier to read from.

[Brokerstar]

In my opinion:

1) I'm not sure you should be writing about yourself in the 3rd person. You can personalise it and create a "relationship" with the reader by saying "I will teach you".

I see your point. I think I've always talked about myself in the third person to create the impression that Tagpoker is much bigger than just one person as I thought that would create confidence with users that were opening say rakeback accounts that I wasn't just going to vanish and they'd stop getting payments.

It's a habbit that has just stuck but I do think talking to visitors more directly may help connect better so fair point.

2) Ask the reader "do you want free lessons to turn you into a profitale $5 HU player?"

I think I'll just ask if they want to be a winning player in general, in the format of the game, as a lot of my former students beat the mid stakes now and think the idea of making some real money whilst not looking unrealistic by saying stuff like 'make milions now' would be optimal.

3) Bullet points can help put it all across e.g.

- Sign up to a poker room below
- Earn 100 Raked hands
- Get a free 1hr lessons in HU from me (a $500 HU Pro)

Nice touch, this seems so obvious but that's why I posted here

4) just my opinion, but I thought the old black/white template design was much better, sophisticated, and easier to read from.

The response has been really good with the new look site although I did love the black and white theme personally. The change only came about as a lot of my students and site members thought it looked dated and 'catchy' (not good catchy, apparently it looked like a site where you just thought there had to be a catch and so it was FOS).

Anyway the result is actually a collective effort of the site members and I imagine is here to stay for the forseable.

Thanks for your input.

Broker

[Newjabber]

I was gonna respond, but waited since it was gonna be a long post.
Basicly i agree 100% with addz.

1) I'm not sure you should be writing about yourself in the 3rd person. You can personalise it and create a "relationship" with the reader by saying "I will teach you".

This was the first thing that i thought too.

4) just my opinion, but I thought the old black/white template design was much better, sophisticated, and easier to read from.

I think the old look was way better too.

[Spry]

Squirrel is funny but doesn't make sense on this page.

I don't see clear calls to action.

I would have a big graphic at the top with a clear call to action to your most preferred sign up room (small notice that they can pick from 2 others or whatever). Some big obvious 'click here right now to get started'.

Or 3 simple steps.

Step 1 - Click Here

Step 2 - Do X

Step 3 - Live baller lifestyle

[Brokerstar]

Squirrel is funny but doesn't make sense on this page.

LOL

It stems from the first coaching page where the slogan is 'teaching you to do more than just find the nuts' in which I thought a roided squirel was funny.

But to be fair if they have clicked directly on this page from a link then it does look out of place, agreed.

I like your other points too and this page is definatley going back to the drawing board.

Thanks for the in put.

[Unknown Webmaster]

I just spend 20 minutes writing a long post about all sorts of stuff, but ended up deleting it, since all it really said were this:

Please put the video at the top of your front page with a big button saying "get free coaching" right below it.

[Newjabber]

Squirrel is funny but doesn't make sense on this page.

Yep my thoughts too.

To say something that hasent already been said... Am i the only one thinking the video is way too long?

[Brokerstar]

Yep my thoughts too.

To say something that hasent already been said... Am i the only one thinking the video is way too long?

No you're not the only one.

I'm trying to think how I can talk a bit about why so many people don't crush the game, a bit about what the course will cover and how it runs but make it only about 4 mins?

Bar talking turbo fast (which I often do anyway) I'm not sure but I too think a smaller vid would be better and the vid you seen is about my 7th version.

[Brokerstar]

I've made a ton of changes off of the back of all of your feedback and I'm much happier with the page now.

I'll let it run for a couple of weeks and see how the results go but I think it was a case of I need some fresh eyes on my work.

Thanks for all of your input, I think I picked bits from all of your answers.

Broker